Xoli Madlala is a globally recognised menopause thought leader, the founder of Redefining Menopause Africa, and a speaker at the upcoming Vastly Sage Men’s Breakfast, a curated gathering that explores modern manhood beyond titles and status.
An internationally certified menopause coach, policy advisor, and author of The Perimenopausal Globetrotter, she brings lived experience and expertise to conversations on wellness, inclusion, and leadership. Her work spans corporates, institutions, and communities, and she has been honoured as a Sunday World 2024 Heroic Woman in Health, among other accolades.
Xoli’s philosophy is simple: Understanding yourself is power. Loving yourself is freedom. Forgiving yourself is peace. Being yourself is bliss.
We sat down with her for a candid chat. Here’s what she shared.
YLA: Vulnerability is often seen as weakness, but you’ve experienced the beauty of being real. When have you seen a moment where someone’s vulnerability actually strengthened a relationship, led to healing, or changed the room?
Xoli: One of the most powerful moments I’ve experienced was when I finally stopped pretending that I had everything figured out after my premature menopause diagnosis. I carried the weight of confusion and isolation silently for years. Then one day, I shared my story publicly. Instead of judgment, I was met with a flood of messages from women who said, ‘I thought I was the only one.’
What surprised me was how vulnerability created connection. The room changed because people no longer felt they had to wear masks. Conversations became deeper, relationships more authentic, and healing began. I learned that vulnerability is not weakness; it is courage in its purest form. It gives others permission to be human too. That is why my Instagram handle is @maskoffwithxoli.
YLA: Looking back at a tough season, what was the one mindset shift or small daily habit that helped you keep going when you felt like quitting?
Xoli: The biggest mindset shift was moving from asking, ‘Why is this happening to me?’ to ‘What is this teaching me?’ That single shift transformed me from a victim of my circumstances into a student of my experiences.
On a practical level, I started focusing on being present and intentional about how I show up every day. Some days, the victory was simply getting out of bed, taking a walk, or writing down things I was grateful for. Those small daily acts became evidence that I was still moving forward. Looking back, resilience was not built through grand gestures but through ordinary actions repeated consistently during extraordinary challenges.
YLA: When have you had to redefine what strength looks like – when being strong meant admitting you were struggling?
Xoli: For much of my life, I thought strength meant being independent, capable, and unshakable. When I entered premature menopause, that definition fell apart. I was struggling physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, yet I felt pressure to keep performing as though nothing had changed. I mastered a dual existence.
Eventually, I realised that true strength was not about carrying every burden alone. It was about asking for help, seeking medical support, leaning on trusted people, and admitting that I did not have all the answers. Strength became less about endurance and more about honesty. The moment I stopped pretending I was okay was the moment I started healing. The Strong Black Woman Syndrome has cost women too much.
YLA: If you could go back and give one piece of advice to your younger self after a major failure or loss, what would it be – and why wouldn’t you have listened back then?
Xoli: I would tell her: ‘Do not confuse this chapter with the whole story.’
When we experience loss, disappointment, or failure, it feels permanent. We assume the doors that have closed will never reopen, and that the life we imagined is gone forever. What I know now is that endings often become invitations to a different future – one we could never have designed for ourselves. I probably would not have listened because wisdom is often received only after experience has done its work. At that stage of my life, I was still trying to control outcomes. Today, I understand that some of life’s greatest gifts arrive disguised as disruptions.
YLA: What is something no one warned you about when it comes to hard seasons, and what lesson would you want people to know?
Xoli: No one warned me that healing is not linear. I assumed that once I started feeling better, I would continue moving steadily forward. Instead, I discovered that healing has twists, setbacks, unexpected triggers, and moments when you feel like you have gone backwards.
The lesson I want people to know is this: progress is not measured by perfection. It is measured by your willingness to keep showing up. Some days healing looks like thriving. Other days, it looks like simply making it through. Both count. Give yourself permission to honour where you are without losing faith in where you are going.
Hard seasons do not just test us; they reveal us. They show us strengths we never knew we had and introduce us to versions of ourselves we might never have met otherwise.
